teething necklace

A review of Gumidrops necklace by Gumigem

Before I had Camille, I thought teething necklaces were such a 'non essential' item, made for the parents who have all the gear and no idea... so I'm guessing either I've joined that club and I should hang up my Mary Poppins handbag or they in fact do have a place in this world! Lets hope it's the latter. 

Camille, at just 4 months started teething terribly; the poor little mite puts everything in her mouth and chomps on anyone who puts an unsuspecting finger near her. I'm not sure my nipples are going to make it out of this breastfeeding journey in tact! Seb wore an amber anklet all the time, with the theory that Baltic Amber produces an analgesic effect on the gums...  I had the mantra that it wasn't doing him any harm and largely wasn't even seen as it was under a sock or a baby grow. He very rarely had any teething issues so naturally I'm an advocate of it! Camille is wearing one too but still puts everything in her mouth and periodically appears to be in pain - so the jury is out on that one.  With child number two, I am naturally out of the house far more often, on the school run, at soft play centres, on farms; Camille like most babies has a penchant for throwing things on the floor. I am absolutely not a germiphobe - I am a pick-it-up-and-blow-on-it kinda mum; but when a baby toy is dropped on the farm I have to draw the line! So I now totally see the logic behind a teething necklace. 

So here I am, completely converted, wearing a frankly very stylish teething necklace. I opted for the gumidrops necklace by Gumigems, in 'pearl berry' style.  It is knotted carefully between each bead so if it were to break they wouldn't all fall on the floor or more importantly in your babies mouth. It does up with easy breakaway clasp on the back, like a lanyard - this has proven really handy as my toddler has accidentally pulled it a few times! And I have got it caught on things once or twice (I'm not clumsy, I don't know what you're talking about...!) and it's just popped undone - no strangulation for me! 

Camille loves it - which is really what it's all about. The silicone is both soft but firm enough for her to squish her gums into, easy for her to hold on to and of two different shapes, one better for holding and one better for chewing. I love putting it on knowing it looks like I'm just 'finishing' my outfit, something I absolutely never remember to do normally... But you and I know I'm really just wearing a toy!  People are frequently surprised that it is for teething and not just a fashion item which is cool and testament to the product. It is just lovely to know that it isn't going to be dropped on the floor, it can be sterilised, hand washed and can even go in the dishwasher. 

Gumigems have a huge variety of necklaces, bangles and teething toys... I'm just choosing which one I'd like next...! 

Find yours here...

www.gumigem.co.uk 

NQP

x

(This is not a sponsored review) 

Bonding - loving until your heart hurts

Before I had my son, I was worried about bonding with him or suffering from post natal depression. As a nanny I have loved and adored many children in my care and growing up as a carer for my younger sister with Down Syndrome, I loved her in a way that was more than just sisterly. Could I love my own child more than that? Would it feel different? Should it?

As it turns out, with Seb I needn't have worried. The moment he was born and placed on my chest I was utterly besotted and totally in love. I used to (and still regularly do) tell my husband that Seb made my heart hurt with love. When I fell pregnant the third time (following a miscarriage in the middle) I just assumed it would be the same. Why on earth wouldn't it be? 

After a much more difficult pregnancy (leaving me on bed rest for the last 4 weeks) I had the birth I wanted (read about that here) followed by a pretty grim post part haemorrhage. I had ten precious minutes of skin to skin with my baby girl in the birth pool before I was whipped onto the floor (I was at home - not just some shady backstreet hospital) and my midwife stemmed the bleed. I remember someone offering to put Camille on me, but I was weak, unable to really lift my arms and incredibly dozy; so I didn't think it was a good idea. With hindsight maybe I should have held her then. 

I next held my baby girl a good 2 hours later in hospital and this was the first time I could breastfeed her. It was magical and she nailed it like a superstar. Im very fortunate that in spite of the haemorrhage my milk still came in on day four as it should, some women aren't so lucky. I did my absolute best to bond with this gorgeous baby and it helped that because of the blood loss (and no transfusion) I had to be on bed rest for a week, however, I felt so dreadful and weak that it wasn't particularly 'special time' for us. On day 6 I had an ovarian cyst haemorrhage internally which led to another stay in hospital and some more feeling totally crap. 

So all in all, not the best start for us both. 

At three weeks I realised that I didn't feel for Camille, what I felt for Seb. Someone said to me when we were out introducing her to people 'Oh, I'll give her back in a minute, I remember that feeling of other people holding my newborn - it's lovely but secretly you can't wait to get them back.' I remember that feeling too - with Seb. It dawned on me then that I did not have those feelings for Camille. I was heartbroken. I tried to rationalise that I love Seb for the person he's become and that it isn't instant. But the reality was, I loved her because it is in my nature, because I would do anything for any child, but that was just it... she could have been any child. I would go through the motions with her, feeding, changing, winding... But I didn't have that love that makes your heart hurt and that in itself, hurt. 

How could I not be head over heels in love with this precious bundle?  

(credit Natasha Hanna photography)

I did some searching online and thank goodness for the online community of sharers (I genuinely don't know how people hacked parenting before the internet) I found I wasn't alone. It appears fairly common to have bonding issues both second time around and following post natal complications. 

I then made a very conscious effort to do these things -  

1. Skin to skin. Whenever I could. It was a faff whilst also looking after a toddler and attending his classes, as it turns out, you can't get naked at trampolining class! So skin to skin largely happened in the evening once Seb was in bed and we had time for a good cuddle. 
2. I made time for her. To stare lovingly into her eyes like you do with your precious first born. I made sure I used the time when Seb as at pre school to really focus on her. The washing could wait.
3. I gave myself time.  Birth is a natural and wonderful thing. But it is also pretty traumatic for your body and it takes time to heal, particularly when there are complications or illness. I knew I would love her like Seb in time. I focused on a positive future. 
4. Baby massage. The health visitor also suggested baby massage. It is definitely worth talking to your health visitor if you think you are struggling to bond with your baby. They won't think you are a bad mother and they will try to help. I was offered free baby massage sessions at a local children's centre, so cost doesn't even have to be an issue.  It was tricky for me to get to the classes offered with a toddler in tow so I instead started to include some baby massage in my bath routine and have signed up for a baby sensory class (while Seb is at pre school) as a nice one to one activity for us to share. 

Some weeks later, I looked one evening at her lying sound asleep in her cot and my heart ached for her. I cried with joy, as this was the feeling I had been waiting for. I just needed to get to know her a bit better.

The moment I felt my heart ache for her

We are now 4 and a half months in and I absolutely adore her. She is beautiful, expressive and very giggly. There were moments I feared this day wouldn't come, but they were absolutely worth waiting for. 

NQP

x

(Remember, sharing is caring! If you've enjoyed what you have read above - please share with your friends using the links to the right!)

Routine

Honest.

Sometimes, when people tell me my babies are 'good', I sort of want to shout... 'NO! I've worked on having a routine that works for us!!' But usually I smile coyly and instead spout something about being very lucky.  In recent years some parenting guidebooks have terrified new parents away from routine and leaving them to fend for themselves. All right, maybe a little dramatic, there are lots of guides that suggest different ways to establish a routine but generally the feedback I get from new parents is that it is a little overwhelming and over complicated.

It doesn't have to be. It is really simple. Decide how you want your day to work with feeds and sleeps and then label that your perfect day. You cannot have a perfect day everyday. This is fact. Babies are humans and some days they are hungrier, some days they are sleepier and some days they are just plain grumpier. If your routine goes to pot then shrug it off and start again tomorrow. It is never the end of the world and it certainly shouldn't be something to fret about.

Now... I have to be honest with you and admit that I LOVE routine. For myself. To my detriment sometimes. I am that person who always gets on the train in the same place (the perfect and most appropriate place on the train), my morning routine (pre children) was timed down to the minute (i.e. 6.27, brush teeth)... I hate myself a little for admitting this out loud. So I get that I am maybe a little extreme. But the reality is, babies also love and crave routine. From incredibly early on they learn a pattern, i.e. when I wake up, I get fed; or when I am given this snuggly toy, it is time to sleep. Giving your baby signals is comforting and means that the day isn't a constant surprise to them. This world is entirely new and baffling to the little cherub, so any familiarity is a source of comfort.

I like to aim for a four hour routine (it should never be more than four hours bar one long stint over night). My son got on board with this almost immediately, my daughter was on a three to four hour routine for much longer and still at 16 weeks flits between the two.

Ideally, my day would look something like this -

7am - Feed
8am - Sleep
11am - Feed
12pm - Sleep
3pm - Feed
4pm - Sleep
7pm - Feed
8pm - Sleep
11pm - Dreamfeed

But your timings may work better with a 6am or even an 8am start. As I mentioned, Camille couldn't hack 4 hours between feeds, she would sometimes feed at 7am and then 10am. And that's cool, because that is what worked for her and we made it work for us as a family. But knowing roughly when she was going to feed means I can do stuff with my big boy, I can travel at good times and I can plan feeds to work with the school run. 

At about 10/12 weeks, babies can manage a little longer awake. Camille now spends an hour and a half awake at each window. I tend to put her down in her pram for her sleeps in the day, this allows me to go out when I need to (particularly necessary with Seb and school runs for my niece and nephew) but also it makes rocking her back to sleep easy if she stirs. Babies commonly stir somewhere between 20 and 40 minutes into a sleep, this is totally normal and is to do with their sleep cycles. It doesn't mean that they want to wake up fully after this time as twenty minute cat naps are not great for anyone, especially a baby.

The third sleep in the day is always the first to shorten. This allows babies to have their awake window before the night time sleep. Camille is more of a grazer feeder than Seb and because of this she has settled to do a split feed at this time. So she will often wake somewhere between 4 and 5 and want a small feed, she will then feed again at about 6.30/45 before going to bed. This is a really good example of where knowing and being able to read your child is paramount to a good routine. There isn't a one size fits all routine for babies, or adults for that matter!

I have helped many families establish routines with their babies (both newborns and older) in the past. If you are interested in establishing a routine for your family and want a bit of guidance, do get in touch and we can work out what works best for you!

NQP

x

Baby Number 2

So I have have spent the last few months buried under a pile of never ending washing that newborns seem to bring with them. Which has resulted in very little blogging... prior to that I was in a pit of depression about my SPD/PGP (post on that to come...).

Most importantly, I now have a gorgeous baby girl, Camille. Seb is being a wonderful big brother and absolutely adores her... admittedly she isn't trying to nab his toys yet... so I'm sure we have all that fun to come!

Best big brother

I had an absolutely amazingly perfect home birth. It was everything I hoped for. When I woke in the night for the third time, I realised that the pain I was feeling wasn't just SPD pain but in fact was the start of contractions, I remained calm though inside was bouncing up and down with excitement... my little girl was on her way! I managed, to his delight, not to wake the husband until 4am and that was only to let him know that I was in labour. He went back to sleep for a while after that whilst I listened to my Natal Hypnotherapy in a bid to continue to rest and get myself in the right frame of mind. My midwife arrived in the early morning and Seb woke up. We packaged him off to next door and Mr NQP set the pool up in the living room. At this point the contractions were still all over the place and not particularly strong. I found, unlike my first labour, that I was most comfortable lying down. 

Team work, through the contractions

'Do what your body tells you!' my midwife reminded me. So off we went to bed... I think we watched some friends episodes while everyone left us to stay in the calm. It wasn't long before they ramped up a gear and Friends just wasn't cutting it anymore! My midwife came back and upon seeing a contraction suggested maybe I should get in the pool! 

The pool was absolute bliss, so incredibly relaxing and just so comforting to be in my own home with the people I had chosen around me. As it was a home birth I was able to have loads of people, so as well as my husband and midwife, by the time I was in the pool I also had my mother, mother in law and just in time to see the delivery, my sister in law. Established labour for just three hours and my beautiful vernix covered baby arrived safe and sound. 

Happy, healthy baby girl

I had opted for a physiological third stage, this means no immediate injection of oxytocin to encourage the uterus to contract. I also had wanted delayed cord clamping but as the cord was fairly short and we were in water, after 10 minutes I asked for it to be cut as I was finding it hard to not drop Camille back under the water! A few moments later I had the urge to push, the placenta was delivered and unfortunately it was all downhill from there. I suffered a post partum haemorrhage and lost an estimated litre and a half of blood. However, if anything, this shows how safe home births can be. My dream team were quick to action and I was got carefully out of the pool and laid on the floor. The lovely, doting Grannies took Camille to dry and dress her and I was given synthetic oxytocin to stem the bleeding. An ambulance was called to get me to hospital. By the time the fabulous paramedics arrived, I'm told the bleeding was under control and they calmly took me off to hospital for fluids. I was fairly dozey throughout this, I felt very safe with my dream team, but a little like I was watching from the outside. I think at one point I asked if there was anything I could do, but was told fairly firmly just to lie still!

Once in hospital, I was well looked after by some lovely doctors and midwives, given some fluids and more syntocinon via IV to ensure the bleeding had well and truly stopped and had some clots removed, this was by far the worst part of the whole process and the only thing I needed gas and air for! This whole process, though entirely necessary, was a little gutting as it meant I then had to spend the night in hospital which is what I was desperately trying to avoid! Camille was brought in by my mother in law and sister in law and I had a little cry as I saw her for the first time since the birth a few hours before. We shared lots of hugs and I fed her for the first time. 

First feed and skin to skin

When we were eventually discharged from hospital the next afternoon armed with iron tablets and a promise to take it easy. We took our little Camille home to meet her big brother. The next couple of weeks were pretty tough, she was an absolute trouper but I found my continuing bed boundness (not a word...) extremely frustrating. But with very low iron, I really needed to rest. I was so sick of bed already but this was the only way I was going to get better!

I am incredibly lucky to have an incredibly supportive family, especially my husband. He was an absolute rock during labour, always doing the right thing at the right time and remaining remarkably calm, even at a time that was more than a little scary for him. So a huge thank you to him and all the family for their marvellous love and support.

So here she is at 16 weeks (oh my goodness, where does the time go) and she is an absolute angel. The smiliest girl I know and absolutely perfect (I promise, I'm not biased...) I hope to carry on giving you some insights into parenting, how I see it, my top tips both as a nanny and as a mother and hopefully some giggles along the way. 

NQP

x

Why I hate car seats

OK, hate is maybe extreme.

But I do have a strong dislike for them and more importantly, how completely uneducated our country is on car seats and their safety and purpose. 

Our society has changed dramatically in the last generation or two. Thanks to cars and motorways we now have the luxury of being incredibly mobile, we travel great distances around the UK daily. I travel approximately 6 miles to take my nephew to school, so that is a minimum of 24 miles a day in the car for Seb. He has to get in and out of the car more times a day than I would like, but we chose to live somewhere relatively isolated for the benefits of living in a rural village. We reap the benefits of living on a green with a playground opposite, he goes to pre school across the green and one day will hopefully attend the school next to it. But I care for my gorgeous and niece and nephew, so that means Seb is treated as though he is the youngest of three and that means he sometimes has to do some trekking around after them. (This is not all bad, it is very good for children to learn that it isn't all about them all the time!)

Prams and travel systems are now made with these handy little add ons for mums and dads to attach their car seat to their set of wheels so they don't have to lift their child in and out of a car seat constantly. But WAIT. That means, a baby can stay sitting (and lets just remember that new born babies can't sit unaided... for a reason) in a car seat for potentially hours... you could go and get your shopping done, pop them in the trolley, back into the car, into the house because the little one has fallen asleep and you can just leave them there while you get some jobs done, back out in the car and out to meet a friend. Ok, so that is maybe extreme and hopefully even car seat lovers don't leave their babies in their car seat for that long (presumably during that time they would need a nappy change and maybe a feed... though if it is a bottle you could just do it in the seat...) But hyperboles aside, car seats make it a little easy to allow your baby to sit in a very unnatural position for far to long. I hate to be dramatic, but the risks to your baby can be severe. 

Bestbuggy.co.uk give this scarily long list of the risks to infants whilst sitting in a car seat 

What are the risks of having an infant in a baby car seat?

Plagiocephaly – ‘flat head’ syndrome.
Adverse cardiorespiratory effects – respiratory and heart rate increases
Increased reflux – some babies with reflux are better sat up, for other babies the pressure placed on the abdomen, in an upright position, can make reflux much worse.
Bradycardia – a slower pulse rate than is typical which can lead to problems with breathing, dizziness, nausea and fatigue.
Oxygen desaturation - less air reaches the lungs, which causes lower levels of oxygen in the blood.
Positional asphyxiation – the baby’s head falls forwards so that the chin is on the chest. This cuts off air flow to the lungs which leads to death.
SIDS – Sudden infant death syndrome is where there is an unexplained reason for the death. The upright seating position in a car seat could be a contributory factor in an increased number of deaths where babies were not placed on a firm mattress. Limiting the amount of time a baby is asleep in a car seat is a risk factor which could be removed.
Restricted growth of internal organs –  Babies grow when they are asleep. If a baby is regularly asleep scrunched up in an infant carrier, then their internal organs e.g. lungs will not expand fully and grow.
Spine development is inhibited - the continuous curved position of the spine affects vertebral growth.
Muscle wastage - the muscles in the baby’s back are not used properly in the curved position. This will affect the long term stability of the back.
Motor Skills could be impaired – if the spine and back are not developed properly.
After months in the womb, a baby needs the early months, to unfurl, stretch out, and allow optimum growth.

Terrifying huh. So before you go and buy those handy little clips so you can pop your maxi cosi (other brands are available) on your wheels. Just think... is it worth risking all of these things? This family talk about dealing with the loss of their child after he was put to sleep in his car seat and found cold and blue a short while later, so preventable and completely down to ignorance. Terrifyingly, this child lost his life at a nursery, where you would hope the staff would be more knowledgable. But really this just harks back to orriginal point, that we are all incredibly ignorant and uneducated on the safety of children in car seats. 

Now lets be realistic. Car seats are obviously extremely important. It is crucial that they fit your car properly, check when you are trying and buying that this car seat fits well in your car. Not all car seats fit all cars well! Until I was educated by an extremely helpful and knowledgable car seat expert at Kiddicare I knew nothing of buckle crunch and hadn't given a second thought to how differently shaped car seats are. As far as my research can find, isofix and inertia reel (seatbelt buckled) seats are as safe as one another PROVIDED they are fitted correctly. Maxi Cosi state that an alarming 8 out of 10 car seats are incorrectly fitted by new parents with an inertia reel, so make sure if you choose one like this you are shown exactly how to fit it. So the main benefit of isofix is it is much harder to fit them incorrectly. 

So, you want to buy a rear facing car seat because you've read it is the safest (I am a fan of the lie flat bassinets - there are only a handful on the market and they pass every test required of a carseat... another post to follow on which I chose and why). If you do get one, get something like this to go with it - a snugglebundl.

These clever things allow you to lift your child out seamlessly without waking them, you simply place them in the seat before the baby and then when you arrive at your destination you can lift them out using the blanket without manhandling them, and place them in a lie flat position. Magic. 

A real pet peeve of mine is seeing babies strapped in the front of the car, with parents giving the statement that they can check on them more easily. This is nonsense and it is distracting and potentially dangerous. Get a mirror that fits to your back seats and position it so you can glance at the baby, if you are concerned for their well being... pull over and get out. If for some reason you really need to strap your baby in the front seat of your car ensure your airbag is turned off. This goes for all children sitting in the front. Most cars have a little switch somewhere (often the door hinge) to turn off the passenger airbag, if you were to crash the airbag has the potential to crush and suffocate your child.

So, the real message here is: 

• Be knowledgable on your car seat, don't choose one that is trendy or cool, choose one that is safe and fits your car. 
• Don't leave your baby in their car seat longer than is absolutely necessary (i.e. the length of a car journey).
• Car seats are not prams. 
• Lying flat is ALWAYS best for babies.

NQP x  

Other Peoples Children

Other people's children are never quite as precious as your own. This is fact. I am a nanny and I truly love and have loved other peoples children but having your own is always the top. Other peoples children are significantly less precious when in public arenas. I'm not talking about that annoying child in a restaurant or on a plane. That is a whole different ball game. I'm talking about that child when you walk into a soft play centre that you just hope and pray is going to steer clear of your child. That's right, that one, the one kicking someone, or pelting balls at the younger children or (a real pet peeve of mine) climbing UP the slide.

So what do you when there is a run in with another child? Let me start by saying... I under no circumstances think that my child is an angel who does no wrong... in fact shortly after he turned 2 we had an instance where he was THAT child... shouting at other children, kicking a baby in the face (that's right, the face), pushing children off the bouncy castle. Suffice to say, we had to leave and thankfully have not an another day quite like that! 

So back to the point, do you tell other peoples children off? Personally, I tend to go for a reminder of the rules after ensuring the parent/carer isn't there to step in themselves, 'we only go down slides, remember!' or 'let's all go carefully, remember he's only small!' etc etc. I really hate that we are all so afraid of talking to other peoples children. If Seb was doing something wrong I would prefer he was reminded by another parent that this was not OK, or that they came an told me. Generally, I am always watching, but as they get bigger and disappear into enormous climbing frames and pirate ships it becomes harder and I appreciate that this is the same for other mothers. So unless you choose to stand next to your child at all times (which also... is not healthy - see my post on risk aversion societies!) then you have to accept that sometimes children are going to need to be reminded of the rules. 

I don't think there is an easy one size fits all solution to managing other people's children; here are my top tips:

1. Don't berate other peoples children. That will not make you friends and will almost certainly result in a very stroppy mother appearing. 
2. Do remind children of the rules or how to be safe - 'We only go down slides.'
3. Do make generic statements that apply to all children rather than singling out a child - 'we all need to take turns,' 'let's not push one another'. Even if you look directly at a specific child when you say it!
4. Do make sure your child is behaving in a manner you think is acceptable before worrying about what other children are doing! 

Let me know your thoughts on this in the comments below... maybe you think parents should never speak to other children? Or maybe you think we should be harder on other children.... let me know!

NQP x

Go Clock - Product Review

With the clocks changing back this weekend, it seems like an appropriate time to review one of my favourite baby products. The Gro Clock. It wasn't the first to market in terms of sleep training or time setting devices, there have been bunnies who wake up and sheep which light up in the morning etc etc. Over the years and I have seen several of them used with various families I have worked with. I decided to go for the Gro-Clock because I am a fan of the company anyway, I like their Gro-bags, their general ethos and one mother I worked with raved about it. 

So the idea is that when your child goes to bed you switch from the sun to the star, the star then has little stars around the edge which count down through the night until the sun comes back at the time you have allocated - like an alarm clock. We dress this up as Mr Sunshine and Twinkle Twinkle - if I'm honest, no discussion or thought went into these names, I think one of us said it once and it has stuck! So when Seb goes to bed we press the button and say 'Goodnight Mr Sunshine!' usually followed by 'Oh look! Who is there now?' To which the standard response is 'Twinkle Twinkle!' With surprising glee considering that this is a routine we have now followed for about 4 or 5 months. Seb, or ninja child as he is sometimes known, climbs out of his cot so we encourage him to stay in bed whilst Twinkle Twinkle is on the clock. Generally speaking in the morning this works and he often runs in to our room say 'Mr Sunshine's up!' Our once perfect evening routine doesn't always follow suit and for some reason he is currently a fan of climbing out of bed several times before eventually realising that we really mean it... it is bed time and giving into sleep. 

I think the clock is easy to use, though my husband would disagree (which one of us do you think read the manual?) and the graphics are large and clear. There are three buttons total, an enter or return button and two arrows, so it requires two button clicks to turn it to the Sun and then to the star; I think this is what he struggles with for some reason. There is a setting for day time sleeps but if I'm perfectly honest I have never really used this, if I do decide it's necessary because he's being a monkey and not sleeping then I usually just use the night time mode and switch it to the sun when I come back in to get him up. 

The Gro-Clock also comes with a book that helps you to introduce the clock to your child. Personally I read the book to Seb once and with our discussions about it he got it and didn't need it covered again, but other children might benefit from visiting the story a few times. It is not such an amazing story that you'll want to read it again and again though!

So with the clocks changing this weekend, you may find this clock is your best friend. Just make sure you change the time before you go to bed and in theory your little one will stay in bed until the Sun comes up! Otherwise you may find your little 6am waker suddenly shouting out or appearing next to you at 5am GMT! They are very reasonably priced at around £19.99, though if you buy on Amazon I have seen them there for £14.99 in one of their prime day deals. 

NQP x

Halloween

I'm sure you are all getting ready for Halloween, the shops are bursting with costumes and head boppers, spiders and pumpkins, skeletons and monsters and frankly it is hard not to get carried away. I generally have to avoid these aisles because I would spend money unnecessarily on what is frankly... tat. Also, Seb is two. He doesn't wholly understand what Halloween is and I would hate for him to end up frightened!

My husband suggested that we took him trick or treating this year to a couple of neighbours as he thought he might enjoy the process of dressing up but it was with the condition that I was very careful about what costume I bought. Last year Claudia Winkleman's daughter was famously badly burnt on her legs after her witches dress caught fire. She has been on a mission since then to educate parents about how unsafe these outfits can be as by the regulators they are viewed as toys rather than clothing, meaning they are not required to pass the same testing procedures. This is also usually why they end up being so cheap, previously to our delight as they may realistically wear this outfit once or maybe even twice! You can watch Claudia Winkleman retell her story here and see for yourself how easily it could happen to your child.

This is not something I had ever given thought to before. We put our children in tule and glitter, hang capes and long sleeves all in the name of spookiness! So now, I have done a bit more reading up on the best ways to avoid fire incidents around Halloween and found Good Housekeeping to have some great tips along with a video of some outfits that they gave a fire test to (here).

I shan't be putting my lit pumpkin on the doorstep as I can't guarantee what other children will be wearing. I will either buy and electric candle or keep it indoors in the window out of reach. After a chat with Seb about what he might like to dress up as, he came back with the suggestion of Hulk. All the best looking costumes I found online said quite clearly - keep away from an open flame - or - highly flammable - in the description so those were a no go. Husband suggested PJs. Genius! He will actually love wearing these again and again after the event and it means I don't mind spending a little more as they will get the wear. So I headed to the Disney Store and found these PJs which will hopefully go down a treat and a mask from Amazon, which has arrived and he is terrified of.... so that was less of a win!

Don't take all the fun away from Halloween because of our need to be risk averse... but risk manage. Be safe, make sure your kids are safe. Make sure they understand the risks of fire and what to do if something does catch fire. Letting children knock on strangers doors is peculiar enough at this time of year, make sure your child isn't the one who gets rushed off to A&E with 3rd degree burns as well.

To end on a happier note... here is a picture of Seb at his first halloween two years ago.... awwww baby skeleton!!

NQP x

Parenting as a team

There is no greater test of a marriage or relationship than having a child. It is one of the most difficult and the most important jobs you will ever have and will push you and your partner to the limit. This is why it is so important to ensure you and your other half are on the same team! You may find that one of you is naturally 'harder' than the other and it is very tricky to change your nature... but it is important that you are both singing from the same hymn sheet. 

In your generic family where the mummy is the main care giver, she becomes the expert and fathers can often feel left out or like they are always getting it wrong. Particularly in the early days when the plan changes all the time, i.e. last week we rocked him after his milk to make him sleep... this week however that makes him vomit! This continues as they get older but it might be about how to manage them swearing, hitting, not eating dinner... you get the picture!

As a childcare professional, my husband was accepting from day dot that this was my bag and he was happy to follow my lead. That is not to say that I always get it right (who does?!) or that I don't value and ask for his opinion. In fact, Seb has been having trouble getting to sleep lately... or rather the little monkey would rather climb out of his cot 87 times before going to sleep. On one particular evening where I was tired and fed up with this trend (excuses, excuses...) after putting him back in bed quietly with a firm goodnight for the tenth time, I shouted at him to stay in his bed. I then left his room very cross with myself because I had lost control. Five minutes later I hear Mr. NQP shouting at him to stay in bed. I gave him a puzzled look as he came out of the room... 
'I was copying what you were doing?' He responded.
I felt awful! Poor Seb got a mouthful from both parents because I lost my temper and Husband thought that was the 'new plan!' Doh. 

1. Communicate! Talk to each other. Preferably before the event. If Seb is exhibiting some new behaviour I try and explain to husband how I am dealing with it... i.e. we are ignoring this, or he knows now this is an immediate doormat offence, or try saying this to calm him down. Consistency is so important for children and will really help your marriage.
2. Only pick them up on the things that really matter. With tiny babies it is easy to get obsessed with routine, or the way you got them to sleep one day, or how to get them dressed or change their nappy... if your other half does it slightly differently... but it got the job done... then leave it be! They are trying just as hard as you, they just have even less time to perfect their parenting skills.  If it really makes a difference or they are making matters worse then step in, but make sure it's in a helpful, meaningful way!
3. Try not to play good cop, bad cop. There is no need for it. If one parent is managing behaviour, let them manage it through to the end including the reconciliation. Nothing makes a parent feel worse than them having to be the bad guy all the time. 

Happy team parenting! Thoughts and comments below!

NQP x

Bad influences

Seb is lucky enough to spend a lot of time with his older cousins aged 6 and 11. He absolutely adores and idolises them which for the most part is fab as they are both wonderful with him. Spending time with older children can be great in lots of ways, it encourages children to progress faster as they are eager to copy and learn, it encourages good social skills and encourages mature behaviour.

HOWEVER - spending time with children significantly older also has its draw backs. Despite never watching anything on TV about anyone dying or anything with violence ( CBeebies and Peppa pig are low on this aspect!) he has spent the last week running around the house shouting 'die die die!' This made me really cross! What an awful thing to say! So I started by explaining that this was not nice. Then I started getting cross with him and tried explaining that it would upset people (namely me apparently!) After a few days of this my husband asked me what I would do if Seb swore. 'Ignore it completely' I quickly replied. 
'So... Why are you not doing the same with this?' 

Oh.

He was so right, I was making such a big deal about it because it really bothered me! So we ignored it, his cousins were also instructed to ignore it and do you know what... He stopped saying it! A few days later he delightfully came out with both 'I'm going to chop your head off' and 'I'm gona kick you in the balls.' Marvellous. But this time I was on it - everyone was instructed to ignore it and after initial sniggers from his cousins they got it and it seems to have disappeared. 

I await the next fabulous phrase...

1. Ignore. Try and ignore those choice phrases or swear words. Highlighting them only makes them think it is big and clever! You might need to apologise or explain to those around you, but ignoring is definitely a tried and tested method!
2. Cut off the source. Try and stop where the bad words/phrases are coming from. Is it a TV programme... is it you?! I have definitely stopped saying Oh God because it just sounds so odd coming from a two year olds mouth. Obviously, I can't and won't stop him spending time with his cousins but I have spent time with them both encouraging them to think about what they are saying and pull them up when they actively encourage him to say 'hilarious' things!

What awful things have your little ones come out with?

NQPx

Risk aversion

A few days ago I shared a really interesting extract about a mothers endeavour to stop over parenting her children. This particular extract (available here) focuses on how her over parenting had lead her child to be unable to tie his shoelaces at age nine. We are lucky enough to live in a society in which our children are emotional assets; meaning we have kids because we want kids and they will make us happy. Not because we need them to plough the fields or earn us an income. This leads itself to us becoming hugely invested in every second of their life. We all are guilty of trekking after our little (and big) ones to various activities, standing on side lines in the cold, lovingly mending broken toys, buying new ones, indulging them in too much TV and endlessly picking up after them. I like to think that I encourage Seb to pick up after himself and at only two he is quite good at tidying away toys. But I'd be lying if I didn't say that it is often just easier and quicker to do it myself and then I don't have to have an argument with anyone!

Over protectiveness is hugely linked to how we allow children to manage risk. Managed risk in children's life is so important as it encourages and allows children to learn how to manage difficult situations and confrontation, builds self confidence and fundamentally is usually quite fun. If you compare your childhood to your own child's now, you will see what a loose leash you were given by your parents comparably to now. Maybe you walked alone to school at a younger age, maybe you were allowed into the fields or woods near your house, maybe you were allowed to play outside until dark?

We are all guilty of being over protective at some point. I had to sit on my hands in a huge soft play area the other day because Seb wanted to go into the big children's area on his own. Who am I to say no? What more of a managed risk could you ask for?! It is a totally contained soft play. What was the worst that could possibly happen? Of course he looked tiny next to the 4/5/6/7+ year olds but he didn't care. He had an absolute whale of a time and I sat nervously watching to see him appear at any of the netting areas on my side of the mammoth maze. 

So, top tips for allowing children to manage risk...

1. Ask yourself 'why?' Why am I saying no? Why am I doing this for my child? Why can't s/he do this for themself?
2. Don't run when they fall over. Naturally, this does not mean completely ignore them. Young children look to you for how to react to situations, if you are dramatically running over to them looking terrified, chances are they will cry and you won't actually know how bad the injuries are, if any! If you calmly say "whoopsie! Up we get!" you will quickly learn whether they are really hurt or maybe just need a quick brush down and off they pop. 
3. Enrol them in a forest school. Forest school sessions are becoming increasingly popular in both schools and pre-schools. If your child's school or pre-school doesn't have one, take a look online to see if any others do locally, sometimes you can just sign children up for these sessions. They are usually run by specifically qualified forest school staff and are entirely child led. This means, if they want to run around with sticks they can, if they want to look and bugs or climb trees, they can. The staff won't stop them within the bounds of what is safe, but what they percieve to be safe will be considerably more lenient than what regular teaching staff consider safe. (This is meant with no disregard to teaching staff, often they are limited by what is permitted within the school rules or fear of litigation.) 
4. Encourage them to do things for themselves where possible. I don't mean abandon them to do the dishes, but allow them to try. In our swimming lessons, if our child throws themselves from our arms we are encouraged to allow them to go under the water before picking them up again. This both allows them to know the risk of being on their own in the water but also permits them to try and learn further what they can achieve unaided. Each time you do something new with your child, take a little step back and see how much they can do alone. You might be surprised. 

It isn't easy. And sometimes it goes against your nature and need to protect your young. But it will honestly create a greater generation of adults who are confident and capable.

Let me know your thoughts in the comments box below.

NQP x

What about me? Post labour must haves...

There are endless lists and blog posts about what you actually need for a newborn baby. It is usually significantly shorter than the list most shops would like you to have... but that is not to say that other 'non essential' items can't come in handy too!

I thought it might be useful to think about the things that you will need for you after having a baby. After baby number one, I felt I was totally prepared for looking after a new born (OK, being a nanny before hand probably had a lot to do with that... I am also blessed with an amazingly supportive family on both sides!) But I felt woefully unprepared for how I would feel post labour. I mean, when you apply logic, it makes sense that your body might feel just a little traumatised after pushing a little one out... but I suppose at the time you are so busy thinking about what your little baby will be like and need, you forget about you.

So, if you have had a baby you probably know a lot of these things, but maybe pass them on to your friends who are having babies and maybe add to the list if you think there is something I missed.

1. Arnica tablets.  You will be a little battered, bruised and swollen down there. Start taking these as soon as you can post labour. They do not recommend you take them whilst breastfeeding, but I know this is something midwives often recommend breastfeeding or not, so maybe consult yours if you aren't sure.
   
2. A LOT of maternity pads. You really can't have to many, personal choice for me was Sainsbury, they were comfortable and inexpensive but I definitely didn't buy enough and had to keep sending people to get me more.
3. Big pants. You will want something soft and not too tight fitting and smart money says buy black... just incase. 
4. Flax seed.  I ate porridge with blueberries, banana and honey for breakfast for the first couple of weeks, sprinkled with a good tablespoon of flax seed  The first number two after having a baby is fairly terrifying, and you may well feel like your whole insides might fall out with the pressure. Flax seed is really good at getting everything moving and helps to prevent you from getting constipated. 
   
5. Comfy leggings. I couldn't put jeans (even maternity ones) on for probably two weeks. Admittedly I had an infection which didn't help, but I just couldn't bear the tightness of jeans so lived in a variety of leggings and different shirts/ long tops. 
6. Vest tops. Cheap and cheerful vest tops if you are breastfeeding will be your best friend. I didn't get on very well with any of the breastfeeding specific type tops and personally I find them to be ridiculously expensive. I far preferred to wear two tops, the top (usually a looser type) would lift up and the under one would pull down. This isn't particularly good for the straps, hence the cheap variety being key! It meant I could feed anywhere with modesty and ease!
7. Good food in the freezer.  Whether you want to batch cook before or buy a bunch of Cook meals (they do a 10% discount for new mums!)  it is worth having a variety in. It is so important for your recovery and your milk if you are feeding that you eat well during this time. 
8. Tea and coffee.  You will get a ton of visitors when the wee one arrives, so be prepared! 

I hope this helps prepare you for your new baby! 

NQPx

5 Top Tips for managing those terrifying toddler tantrums

Sometimes you just don’t see a toddler tantrum coming. Sometimes, something they do every day becomes something worth throwing themselves on the floor over and no one really knows why!

Sometimes however, they are preventable and all it takes is being a little proactive and having some foresight. Often it is similar situations that occur that cause the tantrum, now I am no advocate of changing your entire life to suit your toddlers latest whim… but there are often very small adaptations you can make.

1. Give your child choice. I don’t mean free reign to choose anything, but if the latest tantrum is about shoes, then offer two pairs and ask them to choose which they prefer. If you are already at the brink of a tantrum then you can still offer children a choice, ‘are you going to go on your scooter or hold mummys hand?’ (because sitting on the pavement isn’t really a viable option) or ‘are you going to help mummy choose the cheese in the supermarket? Shall we choose the red packet or the blue packet?’ Choice works as both a distraction technique and also prevents children from feeling trapped and dictated to. Children like to be able to exercise some control and this allows them to within the confines of what both fits in with your life and is safe. Always follow up with ‘good choice!’ Seb regularly congratulates me on my good choice so clearly I use those words a lot!
2. Pick your battles. This is a tough one, you have to choose the things that matter most to you and work on those and then work backwards to the others; remembering that lots of experiences for toddlers are new ones. 
3. Be consistent. This is where picking your battles is tricky and why you have to plan a little in advance what matters most (this is the foresight we talked about earlier!) If you really want them to sit on their bottom through the whole meal then that needs to happen and there needs to be warnings and consequences when it doesn’t. (See my time out article here) 
4. Communicate. If you've read many of my articles, you may be noticing a theme here. Communicate to your child what it is you are asking them to do. Or ask them to use their words so that you can help them. Lots of toddler tantrums leave us completely bewildered as to where they came from. I often find myself saying 'I want to help you, but I can't if you don't tell me what the problem is.' This is really empowering for children, sometimes they are confused by the world they are in and they just need acknowledging that it is OK to do what they are doing. Of course if what they are doing is not ok, then refer back to the previous points!
5. Stay calm. Admittedly, this is easier said than done. Tantrums often happen on days where you feel least equipped to manage them (this possibly is because we as mothers are tired from whatever sort of night we've had, so maybe haven't dealt with the moments leading up to this in the best possible way... but turns out, we are human too!) I find tantrums are most quickly resolved when I stay calm, using a stern voice without shouting, they are over much more quickly than when everything escalates to shouting. If you start shouting, you've got no where to go, so try and reserve it if you can. 

Do you have any questions about toddler tantrums? Maybe there is an area you feel I haven't covered. Do let me know in the comments box below!

NQP x