Routine

Honest.

Sometimes, when people tell me my babies are 'good', I sort of want to shout... 'NO! I've worked on having a routine that works for us!!' But usually I smile coyly and instead spout something about being very lucky.  In recent years some parenting guidebooks have terrified new parents away from routine and leaving them to fend for themselves. All right, maybe a little dramatic, there are lots of guides that suggest different ways to establish a routine but generally the feedback I get from new parents is that it is a little overwhelming and over complicated.

It doesn't have to be. It is really simple. Decide how you want your day to work with feeds and sleeps and then label that your perfect day. You cannot have a perfect day everyday. This is fact. Babies are humans and some days they are hungrier, some days they are sleepier and some days they are just plain grumpier. If your routine goes to pot then shrug it off and start again tomorrow. It is never the end of the world and it certainly shouldn't be something to fret about.

Now... I have to be honest with you and admit that I LOVE routine. For myself. To my detriment sometimes. I am that person who always gets on the train in the same place (the perfect and most appropriate place on the train), my morning routine (pre children) was timed down to the minute (i.e. 6.27, brush teeth)... I hate myself a little for admitting this out loud. So I get that I am maybe a little extreme. But the reality is, babies also love and crave routine. From incredibly early on they learn a pattern, i.e. when I wake up, I get fed; or when I am given this snuggly toy, it is time to sleep. Giving your baby signals is comforting and means that the day isn't a constant surprise to them. This world is entirely new and baffling to the little cherub, so any familiarity is a source of comfort.

I like to aim for a four hour routine (it should never be more than four hours bar one long stint over night). My son got on board with this almost immediately, my daughter was on a three to four hour routine for much longer and still at 16 weeks flits between the two.

Ideally, my day would look something like this -

7am - Feed
8am - Sleep
11am - Feed
12pm - Sleep
3pm - Feed
4pm - Sleep
7pm - Feed
8pm - Sleep
11pm - Dreamfeed

But your timings may work better with a 6am or even an 8am start. As I mentioned, Camille couldn't hack 4 hours between feeds, she would sometimes feed at 7am and then 10am. And that's cool, because that is what worked for her and we made it work for us as a family. But knowing roughly when she was going to feed means I can do stuff with my big boy, I can travel at good times and I can plan feeds to work with the school run. 

At about 10/12 weeks, babies can manage a little longer awake. Camille now spends an hour and a half awake at each window. I tend to put her down in her pram for her sleeps in the day, this allows me to go out when I need to (particularly necessary with Seb and school runs for my niece and nephew) but also it makes rocking her back to sleep easy if she stirs. Babies commonly stir somewhere between 20 and 40 minutes into a sleep, this is totally normal and is to do with their sleep cycles. It doesn't mean that they want to wake up fully after this time as twenty minute cat naps are not great for anyone, especially a baby.

The third sleep in the day is always the first to shorten. This allows babies to have their awake window before the night time sleep. Camille is more of a grazer feeder than Seb and because of this she has settled to do a split feed at this time. So she will often wake somewhere between 4 and 5 and want a small feed, she will then feed again at about 6.30/45 before going to bed. This is a really good example of where knowing and being able to read your child is paramount to a good routine. There isn't a one size fits all routine for babies, or adults for that matter!

I have helped many families establish routines with their babies (both newborns and older) in the past. If you are interested in establishing a routine for your family and want a bit of guidance, do get in touch and we can work out what works best for you!

NQP

x

Halloween

I'm sure you are all getting ready for Halloween, the shops are bursting with costumes and head boppers, spiders and pumpkins, skeletons and monsters and frankly it is hard not to get carried away. I generally have to avoid these aisles because I would spend money unnecessarily on what is frankly... tat. Also, Seb is two. He doesn't wholly understand what Halloween is and I would hate for him to end up frightened!

My husband suggested that we took him trick or treating this year to a couple of neighbours as he thought he might enjoy the process of dressing up but it was with the condition that I was very careful about what costume I bought. Last year Claudia Winkleman's daughter was famously badly burnt on her legs after her witches dress caught fire. She has been on a mission since then to educate parents about how unsafe these outfits can be as by the regulators they are viewed as toys rather than clothing, meaning they are not required to pass the same testing procedures. This is also usually why they end up being so cheap, previously to our delight as they may realistically wear this outfit once or maybe even twice! You can watch Claudia Winkleman retell her story here and see for yourself how easily it could happen to your child.

This is not something I had ever given thought to before. We put our children in tule and glitter, hang capes and long sleeves all in the name of spookiness! So now, I have done a bit more reading up on the best ways to avoid fire incidents around Halloween and found Good Housekeeping to have some great tips along with a video of some outfits that they gave a fire test to (here).

I shan't be putting my lit pumpkin on the doorstep as I can't guarantee what other children will be wearing. I will either buy and electric candle or keep it indoors in the window out of reach. After a chat with Seb about what he might like to dress up as, he came back with the suggestion of Hulk. All the best looking costumes I found online said quite clearly - keep away from an open flame - or - highly flammable - in the description so those were a no go. Husband suggested PJs. Genius! He will actually love wearing these again and again after the event and it means I don't mind spending a little more as they will get the wear. So I headed to the Disney Store and found these PJs which will hopefully go down a treat and a mask from Amazon, which has arrived and he is terrified of.... so that was less of a win!

Don't take all the fun away from Halloween because of our need to be risk averse... but risk manage. Be safe, make sure your kids are safe. Make sure they understand the risks of fire and what to do if something does catch fire. Letting children knock on strangers doors is peculiar enough at this time of year, make sure your child isn't the one who gets rushed off to A&E with 3rd degree burns as well.

To end on a happier note... here is a picture of Seb at his first halloween two years ago.... awwww baby skeleton!!

NQP x

Parenting as a team

There is no greater test of a marriage or relationship than having a child. It is one of the most difficult and the most important jobs you will ever have and will push you and your partner to the limit. This is why it is so important to ensure you and your other half are on the same team! You may find that one of you is naturally 'harder' than the other and it is very tricky to change your nature... but it is important that you are both singing from the same hymn sheet. 

In your generic family where the mummy is the main care giver, she becomes the expert and fathers can often feel left out or like they are always getting it wrong. Particularly in the early days when the plan changes all the time, i.e. last week we rocked him after his milk to make him sleep... this week however that makes him vomit! This continues as they get older but it might be about how to manage them swearing, hitting, not eating dinner... you get the picture!

As a childcare professional, my husband was accepting from day dot that this was my bag and he was happy to follow my lead. That is not to say that I always get it right (who does?!) or that I don't value and ask for his opinion. In fact, Seb has been having trouble getting to sleep lately... or rather the little monkey would rather climb out of his cot 87 times before going to sleep. On one particular evening where I was tired and fed up with this trend (excuses, excuses...) after putting him back in bed quietly with a firm goodnight for the tenth time, I shouted at him to stay in his bed. I then left his room very cross with myself because I had lost control. Five minutes later I hear Mr. NQP shouting at him to stay in bed. I gave him a puzzled look as he came out of the room... 
'I was copying what you were doing?' He responded.
I felt awful! Poor Seb got a mouthful from both parents because I lost my temper and Husband thought that was the 'new plan!' Doh. 

1. Communicate! Talk to each other. Preferably before the event. If Seb is exhibiting some new behaviour I try and explain to husband how I am dealing with it... i.e. we are ignoring this, or he knows now this is an immediate doormat offence, or try saying this to calm him down. Consistency is so important for children and will really help your marriage.
2. Only pick them up on the things that really matter. With tiny babies it is easy to get obsessed with routine, or the way you got them to sleep one day, or how to get them dressed or change their nappy... if your other half does it slightly differently... but it got the job done... then leave it be! They are trying just as hard as you, they just have even less time to perfect their parenting skills.  If it really makes a difference or they are making matters worse then step in, but make sure it's in a helpful, meaningful way!
3. Try not to play good cop, bad cop. There is no need for it. If one parent is managing behaviour, let them manage it through to the end including the reconciliation. Nothing makes a parent feel worse than them having to be the bad guy all the time. 

Happy team parenting! Thoughts and comments below!

NQP x

Bad influences

Seb is lucky enough to spend a lot of time with his older cousins aged 6 and 11. He absolutely adores and idolises them which for the most part is fab as they are both wonderful with him. Spending time with older children can be great in lots of ways, it encourages children to progress faster as they are eager to copy and learn, it encourages good social skills and encourages mature behaviour.

HOWEVER - spending time with children significantly older also has its draw backs. Despite never watching anything on TV about anyone dying or anything with violence ( CBeebies and Peppa pig are low on this aspect!) he has spent the last week running around the house shouting 'die die die!' This made me really cross! What an awful thing to say! So I started by explaining that this was not nice. Then I started getting cross with him and tried explaining that it would upset people (namely me apparently!) After a few days of this my husband asked me what I would do if Seb swore. 'Ignore it completely' I quickly replied. 
'So... Why are you not doing the same with this?' 

Oh.

He was so right, I was making such a big deal about it because it really bothered me! So we ignored it, his cousins were also instructed to ignore it and do you know what... He stopped saying it! A few days later he delightfully came out with both 'I'm going to chop your head off' and 'I'm gona kick you in the balls.' Marvellous. But this time I was on it - everyone was instructed to ignore it and after initial sniggers from his cousins they got it and it seems to have disappeared. 

I await the next fabulous phrase...

1. Ignore. Try and ignore those choice phrases or swear words. Highlighting them only makes them think it is big and clever! You might need to apologise or explain to those around you, but ignoring is definitely a tried and tested method!
2. Cut off the source. Try and stop where the bad words/phrases are coming from. Is it a TV programme... is it you?! I have definitely stopped saying Oh God because it just sounds so odd coming from a two year olds mouth. Obviously, I can't and won't stop him spending time with his cousins but I have spent time with them both encouraging them to think about what they are saying and pull them up when they actively encourage him to say 'hilarious' things!

What awful things have your little ones come out with?

NQPx

Managing behaviour in new environments

We often forget that many experiences for children are brand new ones or maybe ones that they have only experienced a few times before. I have watched parents in restaurants before, as an example, being totally exasperated at their toddlers behaviour, likely thinking to themselves, 'but little Bobby knows how to eat a meal at home'. Restaurants are a great example of a place in which a certain level of behaviour is expected of a child in order that everyone else in the restaurant doesn't want to leave! Fundamentally, your child probably* knows how to eat. They may or may not like eating, that is a separate matter! However, because little Bobby knows how to eat his meal at home (whether it is with a fork, or fingers, that really is neither here nor there) it doesn't mean that you can expect the same behaviour of him in a restaurant. Restaurants are sensory overload for little ones - with the hubbub of noise from other diners, to the noise of the kitchen should you be near it, different high chairs, a vast array of things to touch on the tables, different lighting.... and that is all before you have even got to the food! Asking a toddler to wait at the table, not only to order food but then for it to arrive at the table!? We really are asking an awful lot here!

I find the key is communication.... and lots of distraction. Prepare your child for what is coming by talking to them about it, 'oh look this is a waiter, a waiter is someone who looks after us in the restaurant, he is going to ask us what we would like, maybe we could order you this, then he has to go and tell the chef....' etc etc etc....

Distraction between these moments is wonderful, so BE PREPARED! Bring crayons, bring cars, bring dolly, bring books, bring magazines (these I find to be most wonderful - they are like a new book to a child... that they are allowed to draw in.... that usually comes with some wonderfully naff toy that should entertain purely for the novelty of being new!)

This is also the time to fine tune your 'quiet but firm' voice. We all know you don't want to shout at your child in a restaurant (and we don't want you to either!) but sometimes, you have explained the child several times that they mustn't touch Daddy's wine glass or that you can't rip the menu or that you shouldn't stand in your high chair because it is dangerous (and then hopefully explained what dangerous means). I have found this voice to be a wonderful tool for all the children I have worked with and my own son, I also know it to be a favourite of teachers. It is the voice that is very quiet but the child knows you mean business. It is far less stressful for everyone than shouting and doesn't produce an uncomfortable or embarrassing environment for the child or anyone else around!

It is crucial to manage your expectations when you are somewhere that is relatively new to a toddler, they aren't going to 'get it right' every time and they will try your patience, but remember to think about how you learnt these 'social rules' and that everyday is a school day... right from day dot...

NQP x 

Travelling with toddlers....

Travelling with toddlers is not for the faint hearted. It definitely pays to be prepared, whether you are travelling in England or reaching out abroad. Ultimately, holiday should be a relaxing time for everyone and not just mummy or daddy doing all the things they do at home in a place that is fundamentally less child friendly!
So many hotels are now incredibly well set up for toddlers and babies, with cots and highchairs available as well as sterilisers and potties in some places! It is worth putting in an email or phone call to your hotel to find out what they have to help save some packing space (or perhaps you prefer your own stuff?!).
I am an obsessive list writer, a holiday or even overnight trip cannot happen without a list. Without one, I will forget something! I generally start writing mine a week and a half before we go as this gives me time to purchase any of those last essential items. 
So here are some of my essential toddler holiday items....

1. A paddling pool -  This might sound odd when you are possibly travelling somewhere with an entire swimming pool, but whether you go to a self catering villa or apartment, a country cottage or a hotel the chances are a toddler will want to play in or with water and in deep pools this is hard to do and requires an adult in the water with them at all times. A small paddling pool can be easily filled and emptied, placed in the shade or sun, between your sun loungers or even on the beach. Chuck a few pouring type toys in a your toddler will be entertained for hours with you watching carefully from a reclined position on your sun lounger!

2. A sun tent - this are amazing. I actually bought mine for £5 on a Facebook selling page, so it's always worth keeping an eye out for bargains on pages like that! These are a fantastic way of entertaining children, partly just because children love tents, going in and out, opening and shutting the doors, playing with the zips... endless fun! But it also provides a shady spot for some 'dry' toys. I say 'dry toys' in quotes because I would recommend using toys that won't be completely ruined by going in the water. Perhaps something like plastic building blocks or, my son is currently really into small figurines from his favourite TV shows. 

3. A blackout blind - you never know what sort of curtains or blinds you will find on holiday. If your little one is likely to be woken by the sun in the morning, or might find afternoon naps tricky without darkness it is well worth investing in one. I have the 'Gro Anywhere' (available on amazon) blind which is fantastic for even really large windows and attaches with suction cups. 

4. Do a risk assessment on arrival - this might sound ridiculous and I'm not for a second suggesting you get your clipboard out and make notes but you will feel a whole lot more relaxed if you and your partner are prepared for the things that could go wrong. No one wants to spend their holiday in A&E! We have recently come back from a castle which had lots of amazing artefacts that could both do harm to children and be harmed by children! We moved all the dangerous ones to a locked cupboard on arrival and returned them as we left! It may be something as simple as noting that the inside tiles are very slippery so the children should wear sandals/crocs/flip flops indoors at all times, or agreeing with your partner that one person is in charge of the child around the pool at all times and you must 'pass the conch' as it were if you need to step away for some reason. 

I hope these 4 tips help you to have a thoroughly relaxing holiday this summer and for many to come!

NQP x

Practically Perfect in Every Way....?!

Well here we go, my first blog. I'll tell you first how the blogging idea came about;

My husband (Mr B) and I (NQP) had gone for dinner at our dear friends house. Just as I sat down to have a cup of tea and a good catch up, their youngest son, H was ushered off to bed by his grandmother.

H: I want NQP to read me my story.

His grandmother sighed and looked at me:

Sorry!

No problem! I replied. As a nanny, I have become quite used to kids wanting me to be involved in their next activity, particularly if you are someone new and exciting! So off we went...

After reading him a story about losing your baby teeth (Charlie and Lola, I believe!) and after carefully tucking him in and shutting the curtains, I closed the door quietly as H snuggled down under his covers. As I returned to the kitchen I heard H's grandfather saying:

Why does everyone have to read a parenting book these days? Did Nelson read 'Battles for Dummies?

Mr B: No, but some people just have what it takes. Some people are born with it. Like NQP. She just knows how to parent.

I felt myself blush slightly as I walked into the room. You can't receive much more of a compliment than that. Particularly as I am not even a parent yet!

As the evening went on, we discovered that our friends father had a blog, as did their two daughters (aged 9 and 12!!) Naturally the girls blogs were about thier interests, games they liked to play online etc etc and their grandfathers was more political.

At 10pm off I went to work. 10pm?! I hear you say. That's right, I am currently night nannying for a fantastic family. So off I trot to their house for an 8 hour night shift of settling the baby to sleep and doing any night feeds necessary, though at 9 weeks I have got her going practically all the way through the night. As I lay cuddling her that night I couldn't stop thinking about blogs. I read a couple of blogs from time to time, mostly about diet and health (I will talk more about those another time), but it isn't something I have ever really considered before. But the more I lay there thinking about them, I could feel my jealousy bubbling!

I wish I could write a blog. I wish there was something about which I knew enough and felt passionate enough to write a blog about! I looked at the baby that had fallen asleep in my arms. There was my lightbulb moment! Children! I know tons and tons about children. I would love to share my knowledge, advice, thoughts, troubles and daily experiences as a nanny with people!

So that was it. My mind was buzzing with excitement! What should I call it - how should I write it?! I already had my first, second and third blog exploding with words in my mind! When I crawled back into my own bed at 6.30am the next morning, I told my husband my idea... waiting for him to shoot me down in his half asleep state (maybe this wasn't the time to launch a new idea to him... but I was excited!) but he didn't.

Mr B: That's a great idea!

I told him my suggestion for a name... He frowned and shook his head...

Mr B: How about Practically perfect in every way?

NQP: AMAZING!!

Naturally that name was taken as a URL. But actually, Not Quite Poppins is a great name. Because I am not perfect, I too make mistakes and learn. But hey, I am a very good nanny. And I am very good with children.

So here is my endeavour:

• Discuss topics that arise in the news to do with children. 
• Discuss daily issues I face with children and how I resolve them.
• To give guidance to those who feel they are alone with difficult children.
• To share humourous anecdotes of the cherubs I work with.
• To discuss topics that may arise as part of the degree I am undertaking in Youth and Childhood studies (because you can never know too much!)

I am no preacher, teacher or self proclaimed expert. But I do know quite a lot. I believe we should change our practice as children and society change. So preaching old school methods is not necessarily the way of the future!

So here it is. This is blog number 1.
May I be interesting enough to write many more!

Not Quite Poppins.

NQP